They have an
automated voice system and I already know it only understands an American
accent.
Me- (in my best
English accent, I’m not giving in to a machine) Speak with a
representative.
Phone- (in fake happy, computer generated American accent) I’m sorry I didn’t recognize your
request.
Me - (like Mary Poppins) speak with
a representative!
Phone- (see above) I’m sorry I didn’t recognize your request. Please
choose one of the following options. For billing press 1. To upgrade
press or say 2...etc.
Me - (more
slowly...even condescending, if you like) speak with a representative.
Phone - you can
speak or dial your selection.
Me - (louder)
speak with a representative!
Phone- I’m sorry I didn’t recognize your request.
Me. Oh my God.
SPEAK WITH A REPRESENTATIVE.
Phone - I’m
sorry...
Me - (in
absolutely OTT ludicrous American accent) SPEAK WITH A
REPRESENTATIVE! SPEAK WITH A REPRESENTATIVE!
SPEAK WITH A REPRESENTATIVE!
PHONE- Would
you like to speak with someone from Customer Services.
Me - Yes!!
Customer Service. Oh my God. YES!
Phone - I’m
sorry....blah Blah blah.
I finally get a
human being on the other end who insists on calling me Mrs. Anna,
after everything she says ( I get the feeling English is possibly not her first language). She thinks I
think my phone is off when the screen goes black. I tell her no, I’m
not stupid. It’s going off...completely.
She can help me
with that.
She transfers
me to some one else...I have to explain everything all over again.
Again she
think I’m stupid, calls me Mrs. Anna and suspects that I am either inadvertently turning it off
myself or I’m
thinking it’s off when the screen goes black.
I try to
explain again, politely but you know, this is dragging on a bit now.
I state VERY
clearly once again that I am NOT stupid etc or any of the above. So,
then they need my order number but they can’t hear me properly on their end. Am I pressing
some buttons on my handset??
No. I say.
Absolutely not. I’m not pressing anything. There ARE no buttons, it’s
a touch screen!
All I can hear
is beeping Mrs. Anna. She says.
Well, maybe
that’s another thing that’s wrong with my phone...I suggest. It was
a refurb after all.
She says she
needs to call me back on my land line cos this beeping thing is
impossible for her to handle. When I hang up I see that the side of my face
has been continuously dialing the numbers 7 and 9 on the virtual
keypad on my phone’s
touch screen...But at this point I feel customer service doesn't need to be informed of that.
She calls me
back on my land line. That’s better. She needs numbers and info from
me....But suddenly there is an incredible noise outside my house. The
leaf blowers are here. It’s my weekly assault by dust and antiquated
gasoline fueled garden machinery.
Now I’m the
one who can’t hear! What the F**k is she asking me??
I’m
sorry...what? I say. Still nothing, it’s no good. The machines are too powerful.
Hang on.. I say. I move to the front room but they are out the front
too. It’s absolutely deafening. Sorry, WHAT!!? I say. She tries
again but it’s
still no use...
Oh my God will
you PLEASE just bloody shut up!! I scream into the ether.
I’m sorry Mrs
Anna, she says... No, no not you I say, it’s the gardeners...they are so bloody
loud, I wish they wouldn’t bother to be honest, I mean it’s only
ever dust that they blow about and I’ve nearly always got my washing out
there when they come so I have to dash out and well... anyway... I’m
so sorry.
She needs that
number one more time but can’t understand a word I’m saying
until I give it to her in an American accent. So finally, I fold. I
complete the entire rest of my call with her in my fake but very
convincing American accent. This woman must think I am schizophrenic
at best. But anyway, I’m American, she can hear me... and now we’re
cooking.
There’s a
lesson in there somewhere.
Yep. I get the exact same thing in Canada.....try asking for water.
ReplyDeleteReally? It's mad right! Water eh? Don't you end up with a load of mud then? : )
DeleteSome tips: 1)Ask for their name, say it and be polite (yes, even to the operators in Philippines or India), 2)Ask for the supervisor 3)Ask for the retention department (that's where you nicely suggest you may quit their plan because you have another offer)...As much as we may be pissed, being nice makes me feel better, after all they specifically are not at fault. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat tips. I must add that I am ALWAYS MOST respectful and polite to EVERYONE I deal with on the phone. Even foreigners and especially Welsh people.
ReplyDelete